Author: Easin' Along

Out with the old and in with the new has been the theme around our household this year. I am not referring to downsizing—that happened long ago.  I am referring to the two worn out knees that Helen (adorable wife) replaced earlier this year and the well-used hip that I swapped out last week.

Easin’ Along featured the details of Helen’s knee surgery, as well as her amazing recovery, shortly after the events occurred.  I’m happy to report that her recovery continues; she never misses a physical therapy session, and, while she has not returned to the pickleball court, she leads a normal life free of the pain that plagued her for much of last year.  

Once Helen had her new joints in place, it was time for me to do something about my hip. This problem began last November when we were in California visiting our son and his family.  The airline canceled our flight to Los Angeles and booked us on the next flight out. As a result, a middle seat was all that was available. Middle seats are a problem for someone my size (6’ 4” – 225 lbs), but I rode on.  The next morning, as we walked our grandchildren to school, I noticed a sharp pain in my left hip. I passed it off as the result of sitting in a confined space for six hours.

The months passed on, but the pain never went away although I kept telling myself that it would. Our road trip to Florida convinced me, however, that living on Advil and walking with a cane had an adverse effect on the joy of RV travel. I scheduled an appointment with a hip specialist at the University of Tennessee Medical Center, and, once he showed me the x-rays of my hip, I could remain in denial no longer. We scheduled surgery for July 5^th so that we could take our trip to Edisto Beach and give Helen time to recover from her second knee replacement.

I arrived at the hospital at 5:30 on the morning of the fifth.  As illustrated in the picture above, I am not always my charming self at 4:30, but I was ready to get on with the show. The hospital check-in procedure went smoothly.  I changed into the surgery socks and a purple gown then whisked away to pre-op. 

In pre-op, I received a couple of IV’s and a lot of happy chatter from the very efficient staff. This room was a beehive of activity and provided a much-needed and useful distraction. As a person with no patience for waiting for anything, I was happy to be distracted. I spoke with an anesthesiologist, and together we decided to use general anesthesia for a variety of reasons.  I felt good about our decision.

I rolled from pre-op to an operating room filled with nurses, nurse anesthetists, surgery assistants, and various others.  I didn’t get any names, but it was obvious that they are all morning people. They went right to work on me and the next thing I knew, I was in a hospital room attached to several monitors, wearing a new gown, and in possession of a new hip. I never knew what hit me. Unfortunately, I missed a visit from Mark, our associate pastor. I regret that I was unable to see him, but knowing he came by was a great comfort.

After a short period of recovery, therapist Whitney entered the room and told me it was time to get up and walk. Therapist Whitney helped Helen walk after her surgeries, and she is a true professional.  She placed a belt around me to grab should I slip (or faint), then helped me stand.  As soon as I had both feet on the ground, I realized one very important change—the hip pain that I lived with for seven months had disappeared. There was some tenderness around the incision, but absolutely no pain in the joint.

We walked the hall of my hospital floor with no difficulty, but I was a bit loopy from the pain medication, so I returned to the bed and went right back to sleep—with a smile on my face. Miracles do happen!

I spent the night in the hospital and met the next day with a plethora of therapists, nurses, and hospital staff. I walked the halls two more times during the day and felt good.  My surgeon came to meet with me and told me what to expect during the next several weeks of recovery.  Dr. Eilerman came highly recommended, and I like him very much.  His preference for anterior (frontal) surgery usually results in a swifter recovery and no therapy other than walking. Our next visit will be in two weeks. Once our visit concluded, I dressed to go home leaving only the well-used, arthritic hip behind. Helen prepared a flower arrangement from our garden to welcome me home.

We are both extremely thankful for the skill, professionalism, and care we received from everyone at UT Medical Center.  We expect to be sidelined for a few weeks, then travel the Blue Ridge Parkway in Gracey. Please join us as we go Easin’ Along…without a cane.

Note: One of the unexpected and pleasant surprises of blogging has been the opportunity to meet many online friends in the blogging community. Shortly after we created Easin’ Along, I came across Retirement Reflections, an award-winning blog created by Donna Connolly who lives in Vancouver Island, Canada. I contacted Donna to tell her how much I enjoyed her thoughts on retirement among other subjects, and we have maintained an online relationship since that time. I am taking a break this week for hip replacement surgery and I asked Donna if she would treat Easin’ Along readers to one of her thoughtful and well-reasoned posts as a guest blogger.  She was kind enough to send me the article below and I’m certain you will enjoy reading it as much as I did. Have a great week!

My husband and I took a mid-week, overnight trip, about a two-hour drive away from our home. It was a last minute decision to explore another part of Vancouver Island. We had a great two days away and really enjoyed ourselves. During the drive home, my husband mentioned that he just couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt in being able to simply drive off into the sunshine…on a weekday. He felt there was something else that he should be doing (reality check: there really wasn’t).

Good old guilt! It can become so ingrained in us that it continues to whisper “you should, you should, you should” or “you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t, you shouldn’t” even when those messages are not pertinent.

I began to think about guilt and how it has manifested itself in my own life over different periods of time. What is “retirement guilt” and just how big of a phenomenon is it? I Googled the words and found pages and pages (and pages) of entries. This potential aspect of retirement was definitely not mentioned in the glossy Freedom 55 brochures!

Guilt can be defined simply as: “A feeling of responsibility or remorse for some offense, crime or wrongdoing, …whether real or imagined” (http://dictionary.reference.com) Or as one definition, offered by the Urban Dictionary states, “An unfortunate side effect that results from being overly exposed to morality” (http://www.urbandictionary.com)…definitely an interesting point of view!

With real or imagined wrongdoings ranging from: shirking responsibilities, not doing something meaningful, leaving the workforce too early, not earning a paycheck, spending too much money, not measuring up, missing something, saying ‘no’ (when others believe you now have all of the time in the world to say ‘yes’)…a retiree could totally drive him/herself insane.

But is guilt also a gift? In the right dosages, does it help propel us forward, get unsexy tasks done, reflect more deeply, get off of the couch and be better people? Without guilt would our houses be messier, our emails unanswered, our checkbooks unbalanced, our dogs all have much shorter walks and would we simply eat all of the Boston Cream donuts that we desire?

Being no stranger to guilt, I am surprised that I haven’t yet been overcome by guilt since retiring (really, it’s so unlike me). Perhaps it is my retirement honeymoon phase, and a tsunami wave of guilt is lurking around the corner waiting to catch me unaware.

I believe, at least partly, that yoga has been a contributing factor to easing initial retirement guilt for me. I can hear the many mantras of my yoga teachers now:

• Practice mindfulness
• Put yourself in the present moment
• Leave the past behind
• Practice non-judgment
• …And….don’t forget to breathe!

Certainly, there are more detailed, complex strategies in which to deal with guilt, but the above seems like a good start and not a bad list to live by.

Thinking back to Richard at the steering wheel, I wonder if the guilt that he was feeling, wasn’t actually gratitude. As retirement is a privilege denied to so many, humbly accepting the gift of retirement can be surprisingly overwhelming.

It is the above mindset of turning guilt into gratitude that was my biggest takeaway in reading through the pages of Google entries on retirement guilt. Other frequently mentioned suggestions (all heavily paraphrased or ad-libbed below) include:

• Acknowledge your shoulds–check them against reality–then let them pass
• Know your fears and deal with them head-on (e.g. if money is a big fear zone, set and regularly review a realistic budget, track expenses and make adjustments where necessary)
• Take stock of what you can control and what you can’t
• Readjust your expectations
• Practice forgiveness (of yourself and others)
• Make amends (again with yourself and others)…and move on!

Got guilt? What are your strategies for letting go?

About Donna: Donna lived in Beijing, China for fourteen years. Leaving international life behind, she and her husband retired to Vancouver Island, Canada, in June 2015. To document this transition, Donna initiated ‘Retirement Reflections.’ Her favorite part of blogging is the interaction with others. You will enjoy visiting with her at www.retirementfreflections.com.

Thanks to Donna from Easin’ Along.